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How to Help a Friend or Family Member

If someone is abusing your friend or family member, it’s important to respond in a supportive manner.

Helpful Actions:

  • Listen to and believe your friend or family member.
  • Understand the seriousness of all forms of abuse.
  • Respect their right to make decisions, including to stay in the relationship.  Victims are usually most successful at escaping violent relationships when it is something they want and feel supported and safe to do.  Understand that victims may face a real risk of increased violence when they leave a relationship, so staying may feel like the safest option at some points in the relationship.
  • Thank your friend or family member for sharing such personal information, and let them know how much you care about their well-being.
  • Help them to identify options for resources and support available at the Gender Equity Center, the WCA, the Ada County Victim Services Center and the local police.
  • Offer to accompany them to a place of support.
  • Help them understand the importance of creating a safety plan or obtaining 911 phones.

Unhelpful Actions:

  • Minimizing abuse that is not physical—all forms of abuse can be traumatic.
  • Blaming your friend or family member for staying in the relationship—the dynamics of relationship violence are complex and the victim is never at fault for the abuser’s behaviors.
  • Telling your friend or family member something is wrong with them for staying in the relationship—this reinforces the abuser’s messages of low self-worth.
  • Giving advice or pressuring for decisions—the victim understands the dynamics of the abusive relationship best, and will know what feels safe and what actions may trigger a dangerous situation.
  • Criticizing the abuser instead of the abuser’s behavior—this may cause your friend or family member to be defensive.
  • Trying to get revenge against the person who hurt your friend or family member.  This redirects the survivor’s focus to your wellbeing and safety, and away from them getting support and feeling safe.