Advising and mentoring relationships are important parts of graduate education, but they are not always easy. Like any professional relationship, they can involve miscommunication, mismatched expectations, or moments of frustration. If something isn’t working, you are not alone and you have options.
This page offers guidance for recognizing issues, exploring solutions, and seeking support when needed.
Recognizing When Something Isn’t Working
Some common signs of an advising or mentoring challenge include:
- You feel confused about expectations, roles, or responsibilities
- You avoid communication with your advisor or mentor because of discomfort
- You’re not getting timely or constructive feedback
- You feel dismissed, ignored, or disrespected in meetings or emails
- Your goals or values no longer align with the person’s guidance or approach
- You are unsure who to turn to for help
These experiences are not unusual, and they do not mean you’ve failed. Many graduate students go through periods of tension or misalignment and come out stronger for it, with support.
Steps You Can Take
1. Reflect on the Situation
Before acting, it can help to think about what is bothering you and what might improve the relationship.
Consider:
- What specifically is not working?
- Is the issue about communication, expectations, feedback, or something else?
- Have you been able to share your concerns with the person directly?
Writing out your concerns or talking them through with someone you trust can bring clarity.
2. Try to Talk It Out (If You Feel Safe Doing So)
In some cases, a respectful conversation can help reset the relationship. You might say:
- “I’d like to clarify expectations so we’re on the same page moving forward.”
- “I’m feeling unsure about my progress and would appreciate more regular feedback.”
- “Can we revisit our goals for our meetings and how we work together?”
Consider using a Mentoring Agreement or Individual Development Plan (IDP) to structure this conversation. Here are some examples compiled by the Center for the Improvement of Mentored Experiences in Research (CIMER):
If You’re Considering a Change
Sometimes, even after reflecting and trying to address concerns, a mentoring or advising relationship may not be the right fit. Making a change is a serious decision, but it’s also a valid and sometimes necessary one.
Before making a switch, consider the following:
- Talk it through first, if you feel safe doing so. A respectful conversation may clarify expectations or resolve misunderstandings.
- Reflect on what you need moving forward. Are you seeking different support? New perspectives? A more collaborative dynamic?
- Consult your program coordinator, department chair, or another trusted faculty or staff member. They can help you understand your options and support a respectful transition.
- Think through your timeline. If you are in the middle of a project or thesis, it may be helpful to define a clear transition plan.
- If your advisor or mentor is connected to your funding (such as a graduate assistantship or grant), talk with your program about how a change might affect your financial support or responsibilities.
- Document any agreements about shared work, research data, or future collaboration (such as co-authored papers).
- Complete any required forms or approvals with your program and the Graduate College.
Making a change can feel challenging, but it is a valid option when a relationship is no longer productive or supportive. A respectful transition supports your well-being and your academic success.
You Are Not Alone
Many graduate students experience advising or mentoring challenges. What matters most is how you respond, using reflection, support, and a plan. You deserve respectful, supportive relationships that help you grow and succeed.