Once you’ve connected with a mentor, how do you make the most of the relationship? Like any professional connection, mentoring relationships take time, communication, and care. They are most effective when they are mutual, respectful, and based on clear expectations.
This page offers ideas for building strong and supportive mentoring relationships throughout graduate school.
What Makes Mentoring Work?
Mentoring relationships look different for every student, but some common elements contribute to success:
- Trust and open communication
- Clear goals and shared expectations
- Regular check-ins, even if brief
- Willingness to ask questions and receive feedback
- Mutual respect and learning
Mentoring is a two-way relationship. While your mentor may have more experience, you bring valuable ideas, questions, and perspectives to the conversation.
Communicating with Your Mentor
Good communication is key to a strong mentoring relationship. You can:
- Share your goals and what you hope to get out of the relationship
- Ask how your mentor prefers to communicate (email, meetings, etc.)
- Let them know how often you’d like to meet
- Be honest about challenges you are facing
- Follow up after meetings with a quick summary or thank you
If a mentor’s feedback is unclear, it’s okay to ask for clarification. You might say:
- “I want to make sure I understand your feedback. Could we go over it together?”
- “Can you help me think through how to approach this next step?”
Setting Goals and Sharing Expectations
Clear expectations can help you and your mentor work together more effectively. You might discuss:
- How often you’ll meet and how to prepare
- What topics you hope to explore (career, research, teaching, etc.)
- What kind of feedback would be helpful
- What your mentor can expect from you
Consider using a mentor-mentee agreement or checklist to organize your thinking. These tools are not contracts but can help create shared understanding. If you’re unsure how to start, ask your mentor if they’d like to set shared expectations together.
Mentor-Mentee Agreement Templates and Examples
- University of Wisconsin-Madison Sample Laboratory Compact
- MSU Agreement: Developing Shared Expectations
- CIMER Mentorship Agreements/Compacts Library
Being Flexible as Things Change
Your needs and goals may shift over time. It’s okay to:
- Revisit the relationship and update your goals
- Talk with your mentor if something isn’t working
- Take breaks and reconnect later if needed
- Add new mentors to your network as your focus evolves
Not every mentoring relationship will last for years, and that’s normal. Some mentors support you through one phase of your journey, while others may stay connected long after graduation.
When Challenges Arise
Even strong mentoring relationships can face challenges. If you feel uncertain or uncomfortable:
- Try to talk with your mentor directly if you feel safe doing so
- Reach out to your advisor, graduate program coordinator, or a trusted faculty or staff member for support
- Know that you can choose to step away from a mentoring relationship if it is no longer helpful or healthy
- Visit our support page for help navigating difficult situations
Remember that you deserve mentoring relationships where you feel respected, heard, and supported.
Helpful Resources
- Graduate Student Mentoring Guide: A Guide for Students, University of Michigan, Rackham Graduate School
- 10 Strategies for “Managing Up”, UW Graduate School
- Managing Your Advisor, Inside Higher Ed